Recovery, as it turns out, is not a straight line.
I am a bit of a math nerd and since I was doing so well out of the gate, I expected my recovery to continue on a straight line, every day marking exponential improvement in my pain, swelling, stiffness and mobility. I even considered digging out my old TI-82 to graph my recovery.
Perhaps this is why I was slightly annoyed by the swelling in my leg. I thought I should be past the swelling stage.
And more annoyed when I woke up stiff on the morning of Day Five.
Angry that I was back to using two crutches to get around my house.
And stunned that the simple exercises they gave me at the hospital were challenging the second time around on Day Five then again the morning of Day Six.
More surprising to me was just how tired I was on Day Five. I had been doing so well, so when friends started texting about coming over for a visit, I thought: Sure. Please come over. It will be so great to see you all and laugh and joke and show off my way cool (actually pretty rank) bandage. But by Sunday afternoon, when the first wave of friends was leaving and the second wave were texting about arrival times, I had to put my (good) foot down. I was exhausted. And unless they wanted to come over and sit quietly and watch me nap, we would have to do this another day.
Day Six I was back to work (from home) and found myself facilitating between tired and antsy. I couldn’t get comfortable, I couldn’t sit still, I couldn’t concentrate, and I couldn’t keep a thought in my head long enough to get up from my makeshift office in the kitchen to crutch to my couch in the living room.
As I sat on my couch, exhausted by the effort and wondering why I needed to come to the couch in the first place my frustration began to feel like failure.
Yep. At Day Six I started to feel like a failure. It is really tough having a Type A personality sometimes.
What helped (and I hope I don’t sound too Pollyanna here) is this blog. Reading the comments from MRS, Julie, Doug and Scott grounded me in a way the doctors and even my mother never could. So thank you all. And thank you Hip Brother Tom for starting this site.